


Home and Away Stretch

by DRiver2U



Series: Sliding into Home [3]
Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Angst, Baseball, Best Friends, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Happy Ending, Lawyers, London, M/M, Minor League Baseball, Navy, No Smut, Palo Alto, Pilots, Private Investigators, San Francisco, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 13:38:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12109899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRiver2U/pseuds/DRiver2U
Summary: This is part 3 of the "Sliding into Home" baseball series. It picks up about a month after the first story in the series. There's not a lot of baseball in this story, but there are references to baseball throughout. In this episode, Veronica travels to London to be with Mac, and Logan meets up with Dick in Bakersfield. Mateo and Katie make an appearance, and Katie has an honest discussion with Logan. Although it is long, it is all in one chapter. Settings and people change throughout the work.There is some angst because writing Logan and Veronica angst is fun. There's also attempts at humor. No smut but there are references to sex and lots of swearing (again because it's fun to write).Non-canon. All characters belong to RT. All mistakes are mine. There may be dialogue similar to that found in the series or movie. It is intentional and written as an homage to the great writing found in the show.





	Home and Away Stretch

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't intend to write part 2 or part 3 of this baseball series, but the characters keep talking to me in my head. If you haven't read the first 2 parts in the series, you may not understand who the non-canon characters are. Both Dick and Mac make appearances in the story, and Keith, Cliff, Wallace, Troy, and Madison are mentioned.

Logan stares at the video for the umpteenth time, watching as Veronica takes the first punch to the jaw with a left hook following to her eye. The screen provides a clear vision of her face, her sparkling blue eyes wide and unflinching. Her beauty is in stark contrast to the foreground shape where only the perpetrator's patch of thin, dark hair is visible. It's not the force of the hits, or the lack thereof, that is startling, but the pure joy that follows as Veronica grabs the tiny hands and pretends to eat them instead of punching back. It's the sound of guttural laughter and high pitched giggles that unnerves him because he hasn't seen this side of Veronica in years. Literally, years. The fist feast lasts only a few moments until Veronica's best friend's baby gives up the punching and switches to hair pulling.

Logan can't decide if he would be classified as a lurker, a creeper, or a stalker, but none of the descriptions could be considered positive attributes to a guy's personality. He doesn't spend much time on Facebook, not having a desire to catch up with most of his former classmates. But when Veronica tells him she is heading to London to visit Mac, "superest, bestest girlfriend in the whole wide world" he remembers her chanting to him on the phone, he spends an evening digging for details about Mac's life. 

To his surprise, he finds a public Facebook page, clearly maintained as a diary for American grandparents aching for photos and videos of their granddaughter who will grow up speaking with an English accent. Most of the comments to the pictures are written by people with the last name of Mackenzie, but he is surprised to find several of them from the Sinclair family. He doesn't have the nerve to admit to Veronica that he has found the Facebook page let alone ask if she knows Mac may be friends with her lifelong antagonist Madison Sinclair. 

Veronica makes it clear to Logan before she leaves that she will be disconnecting while she's away. She will plan to turn her phone on in the morning or before bed and use Mac's WiFi to check her messages. When she told Logan of her plans to fly to London for a few days following the bar exam, he had begged to go with her. He'd pleaded his case, but she wouldn't budge. He's got vacation time stored, and he wants to be with her, but she's going alone to spend time with Mac and her baby and to forget about California for a few days. 

Logan feels like he's hardly connected with Veronica since their weekend in Carmel. She canceled a trip to Visalia the following weekend because she was convinced she either had food poisoning or the stomach flu, neither of which she wanted to experience in the presence of Logan or the all-too-present-in-her-conversations-and-surrogate-son Mateo. Then she'd had two weeks left to study for the bar, and she warded off all attempts to socialize during that time. The exam crushed her physically and spiritually. When she dragged herself home from the last day of the test, she slept for 12 hours, and then she left. She jetted off for the foreign home of her best friend, leaving Logan feeling adrift.

Thinking back to their time in Carmel, Logan is convinced she never spoke the words that she would be faithful to him. Sure, she'd made a comment about wanting to spend Saturday nights on the kitchen floor with him, but as he replays the weekend over and over in his head, he worries he's taken her off-hand remark to mean more than she intended. He isn't worried she'll meet someone in London because she'll be gone for less than a week, but when she told him she wanted to disconnect from California, he couldn't help but feel like he was part of that desire. He can't keep himself from feeling like she is slipping away from him. Again.

Logan replays the video. Again. One last time before leaving for his test flight. One last look at virtual Veronica before his day officially begins. 

**********

Key twists in the lock. Door creaks two times. Door clicks closed. Duffle thuds on the floor. Shoe lands once, twice. "Babe, I'm home," Mateo calls. The routine of only a few days scattered throughout the last couple of weeks is now the comfort Katie enjoys at the end of the day. The temporary housing arrangement, they both know and repeat to each other, is just that, temporary. But she looks forward to the sounds that arrive at the end of her days with him. 

"I'm in the bedroom."

"The words every man wants to hear when he walks into the house at the end of a hard day," Mateo says as he takes only five strides until he stands in the doorway of the bedroom of the small apartment. He notices his girlfriend with her head under the bed crawling back out on her hands and knees. The skirt of her short dress barely covers the tops of her thighs. "Now that's a sight I could get used to seeing when I walk through the door." 

"Finally bring my car back to me?" Katie asks as she sits and crosses her legs, punching the fabric of her dress between her legs. She opens the cardboard box labeled "bedroom" and digs through the contents. 

"Oh, was I supposed to return it? I told the other guys they could take it to Vegas tonight." He squats next to her in his typical baseball catcher position and kisses her. "Hey," he greets and kisses her again in the same way. 

"Hey," she returns and he kisses her again this time with a hand running through her hair. 

"Whatcha doin'?" 

"Looking for something. I've already dug through the closet and now under the bed. I hate it when I'm disorganized." 

"How was dinner?"

"There're two chicken parms and two ravs with meatballs warming in the oven. Salad and bread are on the counter."

"I knew there was a reason I love you," he says and kisses her again. 

"Here I thought it was the free housing and the great sex or the great housing and free sex. Which is it?" Katie jokes but she doesn't hear laughter from her boyfriend. She stops looking through the box in front of her and studies his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Mats."

"I don't know. Maybe I'm getting sick."

"So you decide the best option is to kiss me and make us both sick." 

"Maybe I'm just tired." 

"You've been working hard."

"Is it really too much to ask to have one normal day off with my girlfriend?"

"Next week, right?"

"More like 10 days. Fuck, this has been such a long stretch of days on. And now we're not even going to get our nights together."

"I'm flattered you'd rather sleep with me than the second baseman." 

"Got that right. Your moaning I actually enjoy," Mateo acknowledges as he stands and turns toward the kitchen. Katie brushes his calf with her fingers before he steps away from her. She hears him open the cabinet doors, take food from the oven, and move the stool away from the counter. "And that bus fucking smells." 

"There's no beer."

"Don't want any." 

"God, you really must be sick," she continues as they have their conversation from two separate rooms. "I think there's Gatorade and there's definitely lemon water." 

"Cool. Thanks, babe," he says and she hears the refrigerator door open and close. 

"And don't drink the water from the pitcher, Mats. That's gross. Especially if you're getting sick," she instructs and hears him move to the cabinet and the sound of a plastic tumbler hitting the counter. 

"Your house, your rules. But _when_ we do actually live together, I'm going to drink straight from the pitcher. Just FYI." 

Katie walks up behind him and places the book she's carrying on the seat next to him. She leans into his back and wraps her arms under his, clasping her hands at his chest. She kisses each side of his neck and snuggles behind him resting her chin on his shoulder. Her movements don't interfere with his routine of stabbing the salad with his fork and shoving iceberg lettuce into his mouth. 

"Trust me. _If_ we actually live together, you drinking out of the pitcher will be the least of our problems." 

Releasing his fork and reaching up to run his hand through her hair, he asks, "Find what you're looking for?"

"Now that's a loaded question." 

"In the box."

"Yep," she says as she unhooks her grip, steps away from him, and holds up the book. "My baby book." 

"What the fuck's a baby book?" Mateo asks while carving into his double-stacked chicken breasts.

"I think it could officially be called abuse if your parents didn't keep a baby book on you." 

"No clue, Kates, what you're talking about." 

"You know, the place where your parents recorded what your first words were, when you took your first step, the hair from your first haircut."

"Nope, never heard of it."

"Well, here's mine. All you ever wanted to know about me as a baby." 

Mateo stops chewing and stares at her. "And why do I want to know what you did as a baby? I'd rather just know how your day went." 

"It was fine, thanks," Katie says as she turns the first pages of the book and smiles. "And maybe because I was a baby genius."

"Walked at 8 months and 1 day. Beat that."

"Fucking savant. First word? Dada?"

"Dada. Please. Give me some fucking credit. It was ball, of course. In Hindi and English."

"OK, I get it. You were the actual baby genius."

"Who needs a fucking book?" he asks and points to his temple, knife still in his hand. "It's all up here, baby. Like a trap. We don't need no stinking books. We hand things down through oral tradition."

"Oh, that's where you get your great oral skills," she smirks and purses her lips.

Mateo smiles for the first time since entering the condo. "That and all the porn we read on the bus." He goes back to devouring the breaded meat on his plate, smile disappearing. 

"See, you do need books."

"You're so old, woman. No books. Phones. That way we can get the tutorial videos to go along with the words." 

"Hey, I'm not judging. You use whatever learning style works best for you. Just keep doing what you're doing. I believe in the importance of a good education." 

Mateo downs his glass of water and pours himself another one from the pitcher. With the chicken gone, he scoops both containers of pasta onto his plate. "And dinner with your brother? Think any of them are ever gonna want to come to one of my games?"

"Probably. But first I'd have to tell them how crazy you make me." 

"Could have done that tonight. Did you?"

"I was going to but then things went a little sideways," Katie admits as she watches Mateo pop an entire meatball into his mouth. 

"Why?"

"You know how I thought it was weird that he was driving here just to go out to dinner."

"Yeah," Mateo says nodding. 

"He wanted to tell me in person that they're going to have a baby!" Katie exclaims and claps her hands. "I'm going to be an aunt. About time. I'm so fucking excited."

"Hence, the baby book."

"Bingo."

"And the baby fever."

"You're the one with baby fever." 

"You have to admit, we're going to have gorgeous children." 

" _If_." 

"I'll wear you down eventually. Look how easy it was for me to convince you to let me move in," Mateo says as he sops up the remnants of the pasta sauce with the slices of bread left in the doggie bag. 

" _Temporarily_."

"Right. _Temporarily_. Thanks for reminding me. _Again_." He loads his silverware onto his empty plate and leans back on the stool. "You'll be so fucking sad when the season is over and I'm not around all the time." 

"Sweetie, you're the one who'll be so sad." 

"Damn right I will be. At least, I can admit it." 

Katie puts the book down and moves close to Mateo. She pushes him sideways on the stool and stands between his legs. "Get out of whatever the hell funk you're in, Mats. This is a happy night. Be happy for me. You may not want to hit the road again tomorrow, but that doesn't mean you get to make everyone else miserable. There are more important things than baseball. And _this_ baby is more important than baseball." 

Mateo stares at her and puts his hands on her cheeks. He already thinks about how their children will have dark eyes like his and it disappoints him that he won't see Katie when he looks into their faces. "I love you." 

"Because I'm the sweet to your dour." 

"Because you're always so much better than me," he says as he drops his hands and she leans against him. His arms wrap around her. "God, I've been waiting to be in this fucking position all day. Sometimes I miss you more when I know I'm coming home to you." 

"You're such a curmudgeon and then you say something like that and I remember why I put up with you." 

"And you're too fucking nice to break my heart." 

"At least during the season. I'd hate to ruin your batting average by putting you into a depression." 

"See, too nice. Always thinking about others." 

"Want to see the picture?"

"Picture of what?"

"The baby." 

"Uh, OK."

Katie extracts herself from his embrace and looks for her wallet. She has the sonogram copy tucked away between the dollar bills so it won't wrinkle. "What do you think? Boy or girl?" Katie positions herself back between his legs so he's looking at the photo over her shoulder.

"Which part is the actual baby?" Mateo asks, his hands wandering under the skirt of her dress. 

"Right there," she answers, pointing and leaning back into his chest. 

"That looks like a bean seed," he comments. He wants her to put the picture down and turn into him so he can kiss her, but she doesn't do that. She holds the photo and continues to tap where the tiny, tiny human appears. Her stance doesn't stop him from wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her shoulder.

"Yeah, it's early yet, but he couldn't wait to tell me. Beautiful, right?" 

"I guess." 

"You don't seem too excited."

"You're going to be the aunt. I don't get to have nieces and nephews." 

"You get mine."

"Not if we aren't married." 

" _If_ we're going to have kids, we're getting married."

"Marriage is outdated."

"Not open for discussion. _If_ you want kids with me, you marry me."

"A bit old fashioned, don't you think?" 

"Maybe, but that's how I roll."

"I'm not getting married, Kates. It just leads to divorce."

"Then we'll have to move on to other people because I'm getting married, Mateo." 

"Why the fuck do you want to get married?" Mateo drops his arms from his grasp around her and she steps away from him. The sexual tension of moments ago has turned into a much darker tension, but neither is afraid to speak their minds. 

"I don't want to get married _now_. Not for a long time. But eventually I'm going to get married. It's not about having a wedding, but I want to be legally attached to the father of my children. If you know you definitely don't want that, then we have to accept that we've got an expiration date." 

"That's it? I marry you or you leave me. I get no say in this."

"Sure you do. You just said you don't want to get married."

"How about if I think about it?"

"You don't have to think about anything right now. We're both too young to get married. We can just ride this out for awhile and see if we still like each other in a few months. I'll probably be sick of your gorgeous ass by Halloween, anyway."

"That's what I'm afraid of." 

"Up side is that we'd save money on Christmas presents," Katie jokes as she sets the ultrasound image on the counter making sure it is nowhere near the dirty plates or water pitcher. 

"Fuck. Ma's right. I do need to go back to therapy." 

"Babe, we're not breaking up tonight. We don't need to think about this now."

"Why'd you say it like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like we'll be breaking up, just not tonight."

"Be realistic, Mats. You're a professional athlete, and I'll be going thousands of miles away for months and months. What are the chances we can make that work?" 

"Because you don't think I can be faithful?"

"Instead of a spreadsheet on birth control, how about figuring the statistical probability of a professional athlete cheating on his long-distance girlfriend?"

"So, if I quit baseball, you'll trust me."

"I'm not saying it would definitely work, but I have a suspicion that you'd have fewer temptations in the economics department at UCLA than in the dark passageways of a baseball stadium or the dingy hallways of a cheap hotel."

"One, obviously, you never met my father. And two, I'd never set foot on a second-rate campus like UCLA."

"You're so young, Mat. You don't want to get stuck with one person already. You should be exploring your options, not thinking about settling down."

"Fuck. I'm so tired talking about this. And I'm only two years younger than you."

"Two and a half."

"Whatever, old lady," Mateo says as he runs both hands through his hair and then down his face. "I just want to crawl into bed with you and forget this conversation happened."

"You have to be up early?"

"Yeah, bus is leaving at 8:00. Can you drop me or is that too much to ask?"

"If we leave early enough, I can take you. I don't mind." 

"Can we go to bed? Please."

"Of course. But don't get confused. I do love you, Mats." 

"I think that's exactly what makes this whole fucking thing so goddamn confusing."

"Then let's dial it down. Go back to having fun. No more talk about living together and babies and marriage. Just you and me having a summer fling and enjoying that feeling of falling in love." 

"Summer fling. Right. If you think I believe this is a summer fling, you haven't heard anything I've said this last month."

"I've heard every word, Mat. Every romantic, cynical, farfetched, intelligent, pessimistic, confidential word," she confesses. "One thing I can't complain about is you not being able to communicate your feelings towards me. How was your game, by the way?"

"I hit a grand slam."

"Get out."

"And you and Veronica weren't there to witness it."

"Sorry."

"If a guy hits a homerun and his girlfriend doesn't see it, did it actually happen?"

"I think the stats book will confirm it did."

"Glad to know the stats care enough to be part of the moment."

"Why are just telling me this now? I'd think you'd walk through the door shouting something like that."

"You could've asked earlier."

"You could've texted me after the game."

"You could've been at the game. Maybe your brother would've been impressed with me if he saw me do that."

"I'm always impressed with you, and I've always wanted to sleep with a guy who hit a grand slam."

"Bullshit."

"Yeah, you're right. But I'd sure like to see you naked in my bed. Maybe I can show you a few of the things I've learned from reading books." 

"Why would I ever want anyone other than you?" Mateo asks as he grasps her wrist, leaves his dirty dishes on the counter, and pulls her towards the bedroom walking backwards so his lips can find hers, his free hand pushing up her skirt. "I like the dress, by the way."

"You just like it because you don't even have to take it off to fuck me."

"I gotta admit, it's a hell of a lot sexier than that fucking flight suit."

"I recall you saying you liked my badass side."

"Oh, I do, but that thing's got way too many belts and buckles and shit." 

"So there're bonus points for the ease in which it comes off?" Katie asks as Mateo pulls her down on top of him on the gingham bedspread. Both of his hands trying to free her from the restraints of her black lace underwear. 

"And more points for the ease in which you get off," he says and gives her one of his rare, sweet, racy, heartwarming smiles. 

"I've never known you to shy away from a little effort," Katie laughs as she rolls off of him and flips the dress over her head. "Get to work, babe."

"Best. Fucking. Job. Ever."

**********

Logan hates gossip. Ever since his parents made headlines in the tabloids and he found out his sister calls paparazzi when she needs press for a low-budget movie release, he tries to stay away from the gossip that is other people's lives. But today he needs a fix. 

"Hey, Dutch," Logan smiles as he sees the redhead grabbing coffee. "Haven't talked to you lately. How're things?" 

"Yeah, it's been too long. Seems like I've been busy," Katie replies as she turns towards her desk. She knows she's been evading Logan the past few weeks, feeling torn between what Mateo tells her about Veronica's casualness towards Logan and what she hears from her fellow pilots about his devotion to Veronica. The easy bond they had before she met Mateo has vanished, and she wonders if it will ever appear again. 

"How's Mateo? Veronica says you're still seeing him," Logan pries without trying to sound desperate. 

"Veronica told you that? Well, she's right. I'm still seeing him," Katie laughs thinking about her frenetic early morning sexcapade and the apparition of Mateo still on her lips. She stirs her black coffee to keep her hands occupied and for a place for her eyes to land. "Seeing him as much as possible, that is, given our schedules." 

"That's great. Glad things worked out. He's good?" Logan asks tentatively, not knowing if he is crossing boundaries. 

"Yeah. All good. He's got games in Modesto this weekend. Hoping I'll be able to make it to at least one." Katie pauses to take a drink of her hot coffee. "He stays with me sometimes when they have home games. I should've let you know. I should've asked if you wanted to see him again. Sorry about that," Katie says. 

"No problem. How's the season going?"

"I'm surprised Veronica wouldn't have mentioned it to you," Katie says as her expression changes from hesitancy to excitement. "There's a chance he might play Fall Ball in the Arizona League. I mean, that would be a huge fucking deal. They usually only take a couple of High A players. Mainly it's for AA and AAA. I don't really want to talk about it. Don't want to jinx anything, but it's so cool he's even being considered." 

"That's great. Good for him."

"And they're doing an article in _Sports Illustrated_ about minor league ball, and they want to interview him. Mat says it's only because he's Indian, and they need an Asian minority to round out the interview. I don't think so, but I guess he could be right. I'm kind of hoping he doesn't do it. They'd probably ask him a manipulative question about his parents and he'd just get annoyed and call the writer an idiot or tell him to fuck off."

"You're both smart to be wary," Logan says without moving away from Katie.

"I probably owe you lunch or something," Katie says, looking at him, trying to judge what it is exactly he wants from her. 

"Why?"

"For setting us up. To, like, thank you," Katie admits. "Yeah, I should definitely buy you dinner for that. You choose, but no surf and turf."

"Shellfish allergy, so you don't have to worry about that," Logan laughs. 

"Burgers it is," Katie says and then sits down at her desk. Logan continues to linger near her as she pulls her phone from her pocket. "Did you see the awesome video Mac sent?"

"Mac sent you a video?" Logan asks stunned that Katie even knows Mac's name. 

"No, of course not. She sent it to Mateo. He forwarded it to me."

"I didn't realize Mac and Mateo are tight."

"They're not super close, but they know each other. They keep in touch. Mac was around after Mateo's dad died," Katie explains as she thumbs through her phone.

"Has Mateo heard from Veronica since she left for London?"

"Of course. He was just WhatsApping her in bed this morning. Nearly fucking killed him to be awake at 6:00 A.M. But he hit a grand slam the night before, so he was pretty anxious to tell her."

"Impressive."

"And I happen to really like it when he's awake so early. Good way for me to start the day."

"One benny of Veronica being so many time zones away."

"Mat would probably go through some kind of physical withdrawal if he couldn't talk to her every day. And his batting average would fall into the 100's. I still haven't figured out if he's co-dependent, OCPD, or just a Type A mama's boy. Whatever it is, it's not a big deal. Proves he's not perfect and takes some of the pressure off me knowing he can talk to her."

"It's always good to have Veronica in your corner."

"Here it is," Katie declares. 

She plays the video and hands her phone to Logan. He watches Veronica and Mac stabilize a stumbling little girl with a stick in her hand who's dressed in skull leggings, a black t-shirt, and baby Toms shoes. There are blankets and picnic baskets strewn around along with several people holding glasses and lager cans. In the background, players are dressed all in white on a sea of green grass. The little girl swings the stick and begins to run, if the awkward movement could be classified as that, falling after only a few wobbles. She rights herself and begins the trek over again. Fall and totter. Totter and fall. Eventually, Veronica scoops the little girl into her arms, covers her in kisses until she screams with giggles, and places her back down near where she left the stick. 

"Can you forward that to me? That's adorable enough to make a guy's sperm count go up," Logan says. 

"Tell me about it. Makes my ovaries flutter. I thought I'd finally convinced Mateo to take it down a notch with us and then Mac sends that video. Now all I hear about are cricket-playing babies," Katie laughs. 

"Wow, really? Babies?" 

"With a name like Khan and his instinctive baseball knowledge, he seems to think it's inevitable. Convinced he's destined for a professional cricket player as his offspring." 

"Jesus, I didn't realize you were so serious already," Logan says and notices for the first time the fuzzy black and white image taped to her computer monitor. His eyes meet Katie's before he looks at it again.

"That's my brother's. I'm going to be an aunt," Katie explains as she looks away and moves some papers around on her desk. 

"Congrats."

"Thanks. Yeah, Mat and I are pretty serious, but no babies. Please don't spread that rumor around with the other guys," she cautions. "Don't get me wrong, we've got our issues. Some of them big ones. But if he doesn't get picked for Fall Ball, we're going on vacation. Together. Again, just keep that between us for the time being." 

"I'm happy for you, Dutch," Logan acknowledges. "I should've asked sooner, but I'm really happy for you." 

"Thanks. Text me when I can buy you that burger. And let me know if you want Mateo to be there with us." 

**********

Logan turns off the car in his garage. In just a few short weeks, he's come to rely on the telephone call he normally makes about this time of night to Veronica. He longs to spend more physical time with her, but the idea of not even being able to hear her voice has given him a case of the doldrums. Her absence is an aching reminder that he needs to be with Veronica, and he'll take anything she's willing to give. If she decides she wants to keep things casual, he'll accept that. But he needs her to tell him what she's thinking because the one thing he can't imagine anymore is that she won't be in his life at all. 

As soon as he enters his condo, he snaps open his laptop and begins to type. 

_I'm home. All night. Message me when you go to bed or get up. I don't care what time it is. I miss you. Miss talking to you. Miss having you in the same time zone. Message me, bobcat._

**********

Logan is sprawled on his couch with his laptop propped on a pillow on his chest. His bottle of iced green tea sits on the coffee table next to his solar-powered Tissot watch. The empty sleeve of protein trail mix rests on his keyboard. He's binging an international TV series about a murder on a bridge in Scandinavia. The subtitles flash across the screen and he tells himself this is the last episode he can watch before he has to drag himself to bed and get some much needed sleep. 

He's startled out of his Netflix haze when he hears the chime he's been hoping would sound. He pauses the show, minimizes the screen, and pops open his message system. He's surprised to feel his heart speed up so quickly. He sits up so he can type more efficiently. 

_'Allo, 'allo, 'allo. (That's supposed to be me saying hey with a British accent.)_ This is the greeting waiting for him, the words that make him sigh and rub his hand through his hair. No picture. No video. No voice. But he'll take the written words she has for him.

_Like, totally, hey to you, too. (That's supposed to be me saying hey in a Valley accent.)_

_Too late to talk?_

_Never too late to talk to you._

_Sorry I haven't had a chance to message you. Is everything good there?_

_Yeah, except I miss you._

_Ah, you're sweet. Hard to believe anyone could miss little ole me._

Logan is aware she avoids saying that she misses him, but he decides not to pursue that particular discussion at this exact time, the same ways he's avoided it several times in the past couple of weeks. _How's London? How's Mac?_

_Super great. We've been having so much fun. We even went to a cricket match._

_I know._

_How'd you know that?_

_Dutch showed me the video._

_What video?_

_Something Mac sent to Mateo._

_Oh. You should have seen Vee in all her glory getting her cricket swing on. She's so fucking cute._

_She is. So are you._

_You're not._

_Thanks._

_Cute doesn't do you justice. I think the better words are handsome and sexy._

_Sexy, huh? Trying to start something with me, Mars?_

_God no. Knowing Mac, she can probably read this conversation on the front of her refrigerator right now. You should see the technology in this house. This whole set-up just might be a cover-up. I'm beginning to think she's a hacker for MI-6._

_You're still coming back to California, right? She hasn't recruited you or convinced you to stay, has she?_

_She's doing her best. It's tempting, but my return flight is booked. You'll have to put up with me again, my friend._

There's that fucking word. He's really beginning to hate that word, ready to petition Webster's to take "friend" out of the dictionary. _Promise me we'll see each other soon after you get back._

_Since I don't have a test to study for or a job to get to, I predict I'll have enough time to work you into my schedule._

_When do you get back? Sunday?_

_Yeah. Sunday afternoon._

_Virgin into SFO?_

_Yeah, and no the plane won't crash because I'm flying Virgin._

_You're wholesome and innocent in my eyes._

_Then you've managed to repress more than a few things you've witnessed over the many years._

_Veronica._

_Yeah, Logan._

_I miss you._

_I'll be back soon. Then you'll be sick of me before you know it._

_Never._

_I told Mac I'd take Vee to the park this morning. I better go so I can get dressed._

_Get dressed! Are you telling me we've had this whole conversation without you wearing clothes?_

_Easy, lieutenant. It's not like I'm sitting around naked when Mac could come barging in at any time._

_Too fucking bad. Mind if I just pretend?_

_Help yourself. How about this? I'm wearing this gray and black sexy pajama set with stars all over the top. Does that image get you going? Bring back any good memories?_

_I prefer seeing you not wear them. But, you're right. They are sexy. I appreciate you putting that fantasy in my mind before I head off to bed._

_Good night and good morning, Logan. Think about me when you're in bed._

_No doubt about that. Bye, bobcat. See you soon._

_Oh, and of course, I miss you too._

**********

The next two days seem to have been made just for the purpose of annoying Logan. Friday is full of paperwork. Endless amounts of paperwork. He's convinced paperwork is the punishment for the reward of flying, and he's ready to negotiate for a more even 50/50 split of the time. The only thing that interrupts his day is a required safety meeting. It's only slightly less annoying than the paperwork. 

By the time he's back in his rented condo, all he wants to do is dig leftovers out of the fridge and finish watching the unintelligible blond detective solve her case. Damn Veronica for suggesting the series to him. All he needs is to be addicted to one more blond detective who isn't averse to some hot sex. A night on the couch is not on the agenda, however, because he's heading out to meet his surfing buddy Dick Casablancas in Bakersfield. Logan wonders how long it's been since Dick went from being classified in his brain as his best friend to being labeled surfer pal. 

The hour and a half drive from Lemoore is nothing but boring, and Logan wonders over and over again why he agreed to meet so late on a Friday night. He's exhausted and is upset he had to message Veronica saying he wouldn't be around to "talk" tonight. Any time with Veronica, even her virtual presence, is more palatable than an evening watching Dick get drunk in Bakersfield. 

Logan pulls into the parking lot across the street from the bar where they agreed to meet. He's dressed casually in jeans and a gray t-shirt, expecting little from the establishment Dick chose. He grips the keys in his hand and adjusts his attitude before leaving the car. 

"Dude," Logan hears as soon as he walks through the door. Dick stands up from his chair at the bar and walks two steps towards Logan. 

"Dick. How are you?" Logan asks grinning and gives him a hug before taking the seat next to Dick. Now he remembers why he agreed to meet. It is actually good to see his old friend again. He's missed talking to the guy who's known him so long and has been there for him through the best and the worst. "Been waiting long?"

"I'll admit, I have a bit of a head start on you, man," Dick confesses. He motions to the bartender. "What's your poison? Still not drinking?"

"Try not to," Logan looks at the bartender and orders an orange juice. "Especially since I'm driving back tonight." 

"You can crash with me. There're two beds in the room."

"But will you be alone in the other one?"

"Let's hope not. Gotta find a little fun after you leave me."

"What in holy hell brings you to Bakersfield?"

"Oil."

"I'm gonna need a little more than that." 

"Aera's looking to redevelop some real estate close to LA, and I'm here for a couple of meetings about it."

"Former oil fields turned into housing. Why do I predict children being born there with six heads?"

"Nah, man. They have to clean it all up. That's the law. You know that."

"Well, as long as there's a law about it, I'm sure there won't be any issues." 

"It's just preliminary meetings, but it had to be done in person. Anyway, gives me a chance to see you. What's it been, like 2, 3 months?"

"Sorry about that. We need some surfing time." 

"No worries. You gotta fly those planes and keep us all safe." 

"It's a scary world if I am the guardian to anyone's future." 

"You said it, man. I just thought it."

"What's going on in Neptune?"

Dick motions for the bartender to serve him another bottle of El Cerrito. "There's a new surf shop opened just last month. They make their own boards. Decorate them the way the customer wants. It's pretty rad. We should've done that." 

"Think there's any money in it?"

"Why do you care? You're sitting on shitloads of money. When you gonna spend some of that Hollywood cash? I've got lots of investment opportunities."

"How many of them have to do with investing in a dispensary?"

"Best cash business ever." 

"Not gonna happen, Dick."

"How about real estate? Buy some beach houses. Fix 'em up. Flip 'em for a nice profit." 

"It's pretty hard to keep an eye on property when I'm not around." 

"Hire a management company. You gotta invest that dough, dude. Make it work for you." 

"Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna take investment advice from you, Dick. No offense." Logan hears the unmistakable opening riff of Matthew Sweet's "Girlfriend" coming from the pocket of a guy sitting a few seats away. The riff ends abruptly when he reaches into his pocket and the ubiquitous words _Hey, babe, what's up?_ spill from the guy's mouth. Logan smiles into his orange juice thinking about the woman he'd like to call his girlfriend. 

"Yeah, yeah. So what's going on with you?" 

"Just flying and doing the normal stuff." 

"Heard anything about our old classmates?"

"Like what?"

"I saw Ashley Banks. Didn't recognize her at first. Think she's had more work done on her than the I-5 in August. You know what I mean? She and her engorged lips are engaged to some agent at CAA."

"I'm sure they're destined for a lifetime of happiness." 

"Her lips?"

"Sure. Let's go with that."

"Remember that guy Troy Vandegraff? Old friend of Duncan's or something. Messed around with Ronnie until she, naturally, tore his balls off." 

"Not the way I remember it, but, yeah, I know who you mean."

"He was in town. Ran into him on the beach."

"What was he doing there?"

"Gone legit."

"Medical, you mean."

"Medical. Recreational. Either. Why hassle with the illegal crap when the legal shit is making a killing?"

"I'm not going to flunk my next drug test just by sitting close to you, am I, Dick?"

"Nah, I'm good. I'm pretty clean."

"Right."

"Clean enough," Dick says as he takes another big swig of his beer and again motions to the bartender. This time to refill them both. "Anyway, turns out he's got his MBA and works for some consulting group helping start-ups wade through the paperwork of bidding on a growing contract. He's got a client in San Diego."

"Doesn't sound like he's in a cash-only business."

"Better. He gets to charge them mucho even before they're guaranteed any pot money."

"That's the American way."

"He was asking about Duncan. No one's ever heard from him, have they?"

"Not that I know of."

"And he asked about Ronnie. Told him she took off." He pauses and gauges Logan's reaction to the mention of her name. He takes a drink and then hesitates before continuing. "He's definite she's still in California." 

"How'd he hear that?" Logan asks, but he's not sure he wants to know the answer. 

"Something about him being a friend of a friend of a frat brother with Madison Sinclair's husband. He's looking for her number or email or where she lives or something. I didn't ask any questions. Or maybe I did and I can't remember. Last thing I need is to find Madison anywhere near my radar." 

Logan's thoughts return to Mac's Facebook page, and he wonders what link he's missing between Mac, Madison, and Veronica. What hasn't Veronica been telling him this last month? Probably more than he wants to admit. He may be a fighter pilot in war zones, but he knows deep down he's a coward because he can't think of any scenario where he thinks it would be a safe decision to mention Madison's name to Veronica. "That's a name we should probably both avoid repeating."

"For sure, bro," Dick says and sticks his fist out for pounding. "Lives in Ojai, I guess."

"Who does?"

"Madison."

"Thanks. I'll try to avoid that area. Stay on the 5 when you go home, and you'll probably be able to miss her."

"So, what's going on with you? Taking advantage of your high rank? Chicks like that uniform, you know. Should've worn it tonight so we could both use it." 

"I don't think that's its intended purpose." 

"Oh, I suppose you don't need it, right? Well, give it up. Who you bombing with your friendly weapon these days?"

Logan winces at the words. "Could you not?"

"Sorry. What fine women are enjoying the company of Lieutenant Logan Echolls?"

Logan pauses and wonders what the right answer is or if he should answer at all. "She'd be pissed if I told you."

"Someone I know? Who the fuck do I know in Lemoore? Fucking hell, Logan. It's not your ex-wife again is it? That is not, I repeat, not a good idea. She tried to bankrupt you the first time." 

"Yeah, not her. And, if on the off chance I ever do consider that, please feel free to go ahead and actually kill me 'cause none of us would survive another round of that." 

"Cheers to that, man," Dick says as he points his beer bottle in Logan's direction. "No offense, but you have shitty taste in women. First you pick a chick who screws your dad. Then you lose your mind over Veronica Mars for years. Then you marry that," Logan looks over at Dick, "well, that other one." He takes another long gulp of his beer. "Life's a lot easier if you just kick 'em out the next morning. What's my motto?"

"No breakfast, no goodbye, no hassle."

"Amen and god save the queen," Dick says and raises his eyes and his beer towards the ceiling and then makes the sign of the cross with the bottle. "Keep your money and your heart within your own confines." 

"You'll go down as one of the great philosophers of our time."

"So how do I know someone in Lemoore?"

"She's not in Lemoore."

"Fuck, Logan, have you finally realized the ease of a quick lay through Tinder? And as flattering as it is that you want my leftovers, let's make a pact that from now on we don't hook up with the same ones. There're plenty on there to keep us both happy." 

Logan shakes his head. "No swiping for me, dude. They're all yours. I'm a little more old school than that."

Dick puts his bottle of beer on the bar. "Old school. Not as in our old school? Please, tell me I'm crazy thinking you've hooked up with some Pirate ass recently." 

Logan slowly nods his head. "Funny story." 

"I'd prefer raunchy to funny, but go ahead."

"Turns out Vandegraff's not the only one who knows Veronica's in California."

Dick looks down at the bar and shakes his head. "No, no, no. Go back to your ex-wife if you're that desperate. Ronnie will eat you up again, man. Don't do this. Don't you remember how fucked up you were after she left? I'm not sure I have it in me to pull you back from the brink one more time."

"Have I thanked you enough times for doing that? If not, thanks."

"Is this what you're really telling me? You're back with Ronnie?"

"Well, we ran into each other in Visalia, and it just felt right. Like destiny or fate or something." 

"Or something is right." Dick motions to the bartender again who walks towards them. "I'm gonna need a shot of tequila. Whichever one you got that's the strongest. Grain alcohol will also work." 

"I know it seems a little crazy, but Veronica's the one I've wanted most of my life. It can't just be random that we bumped into each other and we're both single." 

"So you're like head over heels for her again?"

"I'm really trying not to be. She's definitely trying to be pragmatic about it," Logan admits and runs his hands over the polished wood of the bar. "I've missed her every day since she left Neptune. On my fucking wedding day, I was thinking about her for fuck's sake. Guess that should've been a sign, huh?" 

"I've never understood your obsession with her, but it's obvious you refuse to get her out of your system. What's she been up to?"

"Just finished law school at Stanford."

"How's she look? Still a hottie?"

"She looks exactly like you'd think she'd look. You'd recognize her like she'd just stepped out of the halls of Neptune High." 

"Hot, single, lawyer. Sounds just like what you need. Too bad all that's rolled into Ronnie. What'd she think about you visiting me tonight? I can't imagine she didn't want to tag along and find out how my life's going," Dick says, his voice laced with sarcasm. 

"I didn't mention it to her. She's in London right now. Visiting Mac."

"Mac, wow," Dick repeats quietly and motions for another shot of tequila. "Haven't thought about her in a long time. Thank god." 

Logan knows that Dick tries to avoid any reminders of his brother's life, death, abuse, and criminal past, and both Mac and Veronica are prompts. It's easier for him to cope through denial, drink, and drugs. 

"She's married and has a baby and a good job. She's doing well, Dick," Logan comforts. "You can let that go. Everything turned out OK for her." 

"Cool," Dick says before downing the latest shot sitting in front of him. "What was Ronnie doing in Visalia? Representing farm workers or something? There's got to be better places for lawyers than Visalia. She's not going to make any real money working there."

"That's another funny part of the story." 

"So far, none of this story has been funny, man."

"She's kind of got this, like, kid who's playing baseball in Visalia." 

"Ronnie's got a kid? Whoa. Did not see that one coming." 

"He's not her actual kid, but she's been looking out for him for a few years."

"So, he's on, like, a travel ball team?"

"Minor league team."

"What the hell? How's that possible? Wouldn't he have to be old to be in the minors?"

"Yeah. He's 23, I think. Give or take," Logan says and realizes he needs to make more of an effort to focus on the details of what's important in Veronica's life. 

"This makes no sense."

"It's her ex's son. He died. The ex, not the kid. So did his mother." 

"Whoa. Ronnie was married too?"

"Nope. Just took over raising the kid when the guy died." 

"Why would anyone do that?"

"I don't know exactly. Guilt. Loyalty. Compassion. Sympathy. Love. Maybe a little of all of them."

"You sure you know what you're getting into? Dealing with Ronnie again is one thing, but add a kid into the mix and you're in for some hurt. They always choose the kid over the boyfriend." 

"He's not a kid. And she doesn't have to choose."

"Whatever, dude. You still need to make sure before you get sucked into this too deep."

"Yeah, well, Veronica wants to take things slow. Work on being friends again. See if we can trust each other. All the tough shit first." 

"Sounds boring. How's that going?"

"I've already fucked up at least once."

"Really fucked up or just fucked up in the eyes of the almighty Veronica Mars?"

"Nope. Legitimately fucked up. Like it made me wonder how much of the bad shit in my marriage and divorce was my fault."

"None." 

"Thanks. That's exactly what you're supposed to say." 

"Be careful, dude. You don't just get to mess around with a chick like Veronica. You better be damn sure she's what you want because you can't go half in with her. But if she is, then you better go all in and get it right this time."

"Sometimes it seems like the more you drink, the wiser you sound." 

"Speaking of which," Dick says as he waves to the bartender once again. 

**********

"So, how was your evening with Ian last night?" Mac asks eying Veronica, as her clearly-not-showered-and-disheveled best friend wanders from the kitchen to the small, rear garden.

"Brilliant. Nice to have a night that included some fresh meat. And I'm not talking about the shepherd's pie," Veronica deadpans to her vegetarian girlfriend as she pretends to tap on invisible drums.

"Very funny."

"Do I still smell like a pub?" Veronica questions as she moves her nose to the sleeve of her vintage Radiohead concert t-shirt she found in a market the day before. She takes a sniff and then sticks her hair under Mac's nose. 

"Ew. Gross. More than a little. Thanks for sharing. Ever thought about bathing before going out in public?"

"Nothing like the scent of stale beer in the morning."

"I don't even want to know why your hair smells like beer. Were you out until last call?"

"And then some. Hotel bar after that and some late night greasy chips. And, yet, I could eat again," Veronica jests as she pulls off some grapes from the plate of food in the middle of the metal table. 

"That means things must have gone better than expected. See, you worried for nothing."

"You know me too well," Veronica admits. "You knew we'd hit it off, didn't you? Where've you been hiding him?"

"He just moved back to London a couple months ago. He probably told you that."

"Yeah, bad breakup. Needed a change of scenery," Veronica comments wondering how she can feel so few symptoms of a hangover. 

"He's one of Hugh's oldest friends."

"That's what he said."

"Come on. Stop torturing me. What happened?"

"We clicked immediately. We talked. I drank too much. _We_ drank too much. We laughed. Too loudly. I stumbled back here. Woke up in my clothes. What more could a girl want from a night out?"

"And?"

"And it kills me to think I'm going to have another reason to want to be in London. He's it, right? He's the reason you wanted me to get a one-way ticket." 

"Well, part of the reason. I'm the other part."

"You're the biggest part, for sure. And Vee, of course."

"What'd you talk about?"

"Don't be coy. You know exactly what we talked about. You set this whole thing up."

"I know your strengths. Or should I say your weaknesses?"

"Yeah, both." 

"Come on. And?"

"And we're going to keep talking. See if it really might be something that could work out between us. Honestly, I'm stoked to think it's even a possibility. It feels good to be excited about the future again."

"Stoked. Cool, man. It had to be good if you're, like, totally stoked, dude."

"Can't take the California out of the girl." 

"I'm doing my best to weed it out of me."

"I so owe you," Veronica says as she leans down and picks up the small child playing contentedly with the blades of grass. "Owe you big."

"How about you pay me in babysitting hours?"

"With pleasure."

"Keep me posted on how things go with Ian." 

"You know I will. You'll be the first to know how things work out."

"I can't believe you're leaving already tomorrow," Mac says as she shades her eyes looking up at Veronica who's standing above her tossing Vee in the air. "You just got here." 

"When you said we were going to drink tea in your garden while playing with Vee, you actually meant we would drink tea in your garden and play with Vee," Veronica says laughing at the full smile and wide eyes that rush towards her face with the pull of gravity. 

"Too boring for you?" 

"Absolute perfection. I can't think of anywhere or anything else that could be better." 

"How about if Logan were here?"

"Nah. He likes golfing with his navy buddies more than hanging with boring me. You appreciate my simple pleasures. And you're way more fun and have an awesome baby."

"I appreciate the compliments, but at some point during this mini-break, are you going to talk to me about Logan?"

"If we talk about it, it's going to be real."

"Even if we don't talk about it, it's going to be real."

Veronica places Vee on the plaid blanket sitting near the table and chairs in the small garden. The baby seems content to play with her collection of bears, books, and blocks. Veronica sits in the empty chair and takes a sip of her black tea. "He baffles me, Mac. I don't like that feeling." 

"We both know Logan's not going to outsmart you. After all, you're the coolest and cleverest of them all." They both laugh as Veronica throws her hands over her head into the rock-on sign and sticks her tongue out. "So what're you concerned about, rock star?"

"All of it. He acts like he's so certain he's ready to jump back into this 100%. Other than 'fly planes', I have no fucking idea what he does in the navy or what military life is like. He talks about deployments and being gone for months at a time. What the fuck is that about? If we get back together, am I just supposed to wait for him while he does that or do we break up every couple of years? Neither option sounds like a lot of fun." Veronica pauses to chew one of the almonds sitting in the middle of the table. 

"Pretend it's a year from now. Are you happy you spent the last year with Logan or are you relieved you didn't get involved with him?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is a year of being happy worth the pain of good memories?"

"Maybe we wouldn't even last a year."

"Then it seems like it might be pretty nice to know for sure it will never work out and you can push those ideas to the side."

"Plus, he seems to have zero interest in Mateo, which is fine, but a little odd. I mean, the kid's been a big part of my life."

"Still is a big part of your life."

"Probably always will be."

"You could talk to Logan about some of your concerns. Maybe it wouldn't be so scary if you get some answers. From him. Not just from Google."

"I know I could. I've just been so focused on the bar. I didn't want to tackle any of this hard shit while I was studying."

"Studying or avoiding? I've known you to be able to juggle more than one idea at a time."

"Of course, I'm avoiding. No doubt about it. I'm working hard to be cool, and everyone knows if you have to work hard at it, you most definitely aren't being cool." 

"Look, Veronica. I love being your best friend," Mac hesitates.

"You better."

"And I love the fact that you can tell me anything. That we've gotten to a place where we can talk to each other about everything. I wouldn't change that for the world."

"Is this the place where you insert the 'but' into the conversation?"

"But," Mac says and gives her a knowing smile. "It's OK to have someone else you can confide in. Sometimes I think you need more than me. I know you don't talk to your dad or Mat or even Wallace about what's really going on in your head."

"And you're sick of hearing me complain."

"God no. Fuck no. Absolutely not. Don't think that."

"And I'm a pathetic misanthrope who desperately needs to get out and meet new people." 

"Only those I approve of," Mac says with a smile. "And no misanthrope would give my baby girl so many kisses."

"And you approve of Logan?"

"He knows you. All of you."

"Maybe that's why I've been avoiding him. That goddamn fucking shitty thing called the past. And how much he knows about it. How am I going to avoid it if he's there to remind me about it?"

"He wasn't waiting for the last 10 years to suddenly appear in your life at a baseball park just so he could con you into believing you could trust him. He wants you in his life. Now you have to decide in what capacity you want him. But no matter what you decide, you have to believe he's doing this with the right intentions. If you don't think that, then there's no reason to even be his friend, let alone his girlfriend." 

"You'd think by my age, I'd have all my shit together and know all the answers, wouldn't you? Why does it seem like we were experts on everything when we were 19 and now we know so little?"

"Being smarter means we realize we understand less."

"Smarter doesn't equal less pain. I'm bloody tired of losing people. Lianne left. Lilly left. Duncan left. Logan left. You left. Wallace left. Sai left. Keith left. Mat will eventually leave. And Logan will leave. Definitely. Again."

"Technically, you were the one who left Logan."

"Not exactly what's meant by 'got off by a technicality', is it?"

"No one would know that definition better than you or Logan." 

"I guess I'm scared. What if I haven't gotten any better at this? I mean, what's the point in therapy if I haven't learned to become more patient and understanding. I've tried to learn to tell people how important they are to me and not to be afraid to say the word 'love' aloud. I've tried to stop thinking the worst is going to happen. But the worst does seem to find its way to my front door." 

"I think what you're really scared about is not being in control. I know you like to think you're in control, but none of us ever are, Veronica. Life is scary and unpredictable, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take chances." Mac takes a drink of her tea and waits to see if Veronica objects to her honesty. When there's no immediate response, she continues. "Mateo's an adult. And he's basically a great guy. You've done a good job with him. He's got his faults, like we all do, but he's going to be OK. And a lot of that has to do with you. But at some point, you have to let go. You did right by Sai. You've done more than he would have expected. Let the guilt go, Veronica." 

Veronica's eyes fill with tears and she swallows and looks up trying to prevent them from falling. "It's not just guilt, although there's still lots of that. I love that kid. It's been such an honor to be part of his life. What am I going to do if I don't have anyone who needs me? Logan may want me, but he certainly doesn't need me. He's been doing fine without me for years."

Mac grabs Veronica's hand across the table and squeezes it tight. "I need you. Don't ever doubt that," she reminds her before releasing her hand. "And Mateo's been lucky to have you. Don't think it doesn't go both ways. He loves you. He's grateful to you. He looks to you for advice and strength, but you both need to let go a little. Let each other grow. Don't give up what you need and want anymore or use him as an excuse. That's not fair to either of you." 

"Mateo's not the only reason I don't want to go all in with Logan," Veronica says with a tear falling from each eye. As she wipes them away, she's amazed again at how much she, too, needs Mac in her life. "Sorry," she apologizes as she wipes her tears. "Fucking jetlag. And too much pub life."

"So tell me what else there is," Mac counters, not allowing Veronica to change the subject or the tone with one of her quips. 

"How would it ever work? It won't work. We'll mess it up again. That's what we were really good at, messing things up. I don't want to go through all that shit again." 

"It's going to be tough, but so is every relationship. Do you think I like Hugh every minute of our marriage? Fuck no. But there's enough good between us that I want to work through the stuff that's hard. Logan's going to keep messing up and he's going to let you down and he'll piss you off, but if you still care about him the way I've always thought you did, then it's worth trying to make it work. It doesn't have to be good all the time for it to be right." 

"I appreciate the pep talk. And for you acknowledging that Logan's always been the problem in our relationship," Veronica jokes trying to break her emotions with a smile.

"You have to make a decision, Bond. You can't just dip your feet in this pond. You know how Logan's felt about you, and I'm sure he still does. You know how you've felt about him. Make a decision one way or the other and go with it. And do your best with that decision. But it's not fair to either of you, or even Mateo, if you don't make some kind of a decision. What's it been like a month now since you first ran into him? You know, Veronica. You know which way you want to go with this. Now say it out loud to him, and take the first step in not being scared." 

"If I'm honest with myself, I've probably only fallen in love, I mean really loved, two men in my life - Sai and Logan. I'll never get another chance to make things right with Sai or to tell him how much he meant to me. Then I look at Logan and I wonder. Is this the next chance you only read about? It's both exciting and terrifying." 

"So much of life is, Veronica. That's what gets us out of bed every day."

"But we aren't going to get another chance. We either do it right this time or that's it. Forever. No more chances." 

"Then do it right this time."

"Would it be easier if I just moved into your spare bedroom on a permanent basis?"

"I'd love that so much. Life isn't the same when you aren't around to ruin a perfectly good day with some attitude and drama. But it wouldn't be easier. It would just be putting off something that doesn't need to be avoided anymore." 

"I'm envious you've found everything you wanted," Veronica confesses.

"Are you kidding me? I still want things. I want my parents to be closer so they can see their granddaughter. I want my best friend to be happy. I want my husband to close the door more softly when he leaves the house. I want HBO to be free. I want Vee to have a sibling. I want someone besides me to dig those weeds out of the flowers. Nobody has everything they want. Stop looking for perfection because it doesn't exist and stop thinking that everyone else has their shit together. None of us do. We're all faking it."

Veronica moves out of her chair and bends down next to the flower bed. "You should have told me you wanted the weeds out of here. Don't you know I love weeding? It's cathartic. Cathartic? Meditative? Hypnotic? What's the word I'm looking for?"

"Tedious. Dull. Monotonous. Mundane. Take your pick."

"It's an ideal task. You can see your progress with every piece you pull out of the ground. There's an established end goal. You get to physically touch the project."

"You're not going to talk me into liking it."

"Then I'll just have to teach Vee the joy of it and it can become her chore. We'll work together as a weed-conquering machine."

"You're on vacation, Veronica. Please don't weed my garden while you're on vacation." 

"It's the very least I can do for all you've given me the last few days and over so many years. Where would I be without knowing I can rely on you?"

"You'd still find a way to live your life the best way you can. It would just be with a different best friend." 

"I can't even imagine a different or better best friend than you because you're always right about so much," Veronica says as she yanks weeds with both hands. 

"Please tell my husband that." 

"Gladly. And you're right. Again. I don't want to mess around with Logan anymore. But do you promise to be there when I call to complain about what an ass he's being?"

"Call anytime. I'm on your side. He'll always be a jackass in my eyes," Mac jokes as she moves from her chair to the blanket and picks up blocks and builds them into a tower. 

"How do you think Mateo's going to react when I tell him Logan's going to be in my life?"

"He'll figure it out. He's an adult. And he's got Katie he can vent to now." 

"Did I just pawn him off on another woman?"

"No. You're letting him grow up." 

"I love you, bestest friend in the whole wide world."

"I love you, too, Bond. Together, we're going to figure out these crazy rides that are our lives."

"And maybe, just maybe, we might have it figured out enough to give Vee some decent advice when she needs it." 

**********

Veronica feels the bump of the wheels touch down and she accepts that real life starts again. After the long flight and several days, weeks really, with little sleep, all she wants to do is get a cab and jump in the shower as soon as she drops her bag inside the front door. In reality, she wonders if she'll make it past the couch to the shower. 

She looks at the phone that has been powered off for so much of the last few days. It's been a relief to disconnect, although she's still been in contact with Logan and, more so, with Mateo. She stares at the black screen and wonders if she can pretend for a few more hours that she hasn't returned to reality, but she powers on as soon as the announcement is made. Some habits are hard to break. 

Logan's text is waiting for her when she powers up. 

_Have you landed?_

_Yeah, I'm on the ground. You tracking the flight or have you been following us in your plane?_

_Didn't think about following you. I'll put that in the memory box for next time._

_Don't do anything to disrupt national security. What are you doing this afternoon besides thinking about me?_

_More than just thinking about you. I'm here. At the airport to pick you up._

_What?_

_Couldn't wait to see you._

_Really?_

_I'll meet you outside of customs._

_Shit, I'm going to have to brush my teeth before I get through security._

_Just get out here ASAP!_

**********

There are too many people looking for too many people, but when Logan and Veronica lock eyes on each other, their worlds condense to just the two of them. Logan bends down to kiss Veronica as soon as they find their way to each other. "Mmm. Nothing like Colgate and eau d'airplane," Logan jokes. "My favorites."

"What are you doing here? It would have been easier for me to get a cab," Veronica says before leaning into him to put her arms around him. 

"I needed to see you."

"Needed, huh? And did you need to kiss me?"

"So much," he says and bends down again to kiss her soft lips. He takes her hand in his and grabs her bag with the other and leads them off towards the parking area. 

"You're insane."

"Not the first time you've told me that." 

"Do you have tomorrow off?"

"No, I've got to go back in a few hours, but I couldn't wait to see you. It's been too long." 

Veronica lets her hand drop from his and puts her arms around his waist and walks beside him with her head on his chest. He rests his arm on her shoulder. "How will I ever repay you for the ride home?"

"I can think of a couple of ways."

"Have you been thinking about those ways the whole time I've been gone?"

"Longer than that, bobcat. Have you noticed how long it's been since Carmel?" 

"That place was a dream. We should do that again." 

"Tell me when and I'll make it happen."

"Tomorrow?"

"That may be pushing even my capabilities. I only have so many favors saved up," Logan says as he kisses the top of her head.

"Aren't you dying to know if I brought you back a present?"

"I think you're my present."

"How cheap do you think I am?"

"OK. What's my present?"

"Me. No, just kidding. A Royal Navy beanie. It's really from Mac. Not from me."

"Is she trying to recruit me?"

"Maybe. My gift is some bags of Cadbury Buttons."

"Chocolates? Are you sure those aren't for you?"

"I wouldn't be opposed to you sharing them with me." 

"I bet you also wouldn't be opposed to forgetting to give them to me before I head back to Lemoore."

"You know me too well," she says realizing just how true the statement is. They arrive at Logan's BMW and he lifts her bag into the trunk while she scoots into the passenger seat. Logan locates the ticket he needs to exit and starts the car. She reaches across and rests her hand on his arm that sits between the seats. "It's good to be home," she says quietly. 

"Am I part of home, Veronica?"

"You're one of my favorite parts." 

"Did you miss me?"

Veronica looks out the window and speaks away from Logan. "Which time?"

"Every time."

"It seems like I've spent a lifetime missing you. I've spent more time missing you than being with you, that's for damn sure," Veronica states forcing a laugh to lighten her suddenly somber mood, but she's not sure it's working. She's surprised at her reaction to seeing him. He's what she wants and there's no longer any doubt about that in her mind. No second thoughts. No turning back. No more hesitating. 

She thinks about the encouragement from Mac and knows she has to take the first step. She has to voice the words that might betray the facade of strength she's kept up for so long. She continues to talk softly as they wind their way through the narrow lanes of the parking garage. "I missed knowing that even when you were mad at me, I could depend on you. I missed having you worry about me. I missed knowing what you were reading. I missed watching you surf. I missed you sitting next to me and brushing me with your cold arm after you finished surfing. I missed feeling your body warm up in the morning sun. 

"I missed how you knew how exasperated I had to be with someone when I couldn't think of anything else to call them except _dude_. I missed being able to tell you how excited Mac was when she was finally pregnant. I missed you at my graduation. I missed your inspirational quotes. I missed seeing how you went from SLACKER t-shirt to GQ model. I missed conversation after conversation with you that went no further than my mind. I missed the thousands of miles I spent running alone when I could have been running next to you. 

"I missed knowing your reaction when the Aaron Echolls marathon started playing on TNT every year on the anniversary of his death. I missed talking to someone who loved Lili as much as I did. I missed how you looked at me like I really mattered to someone. I missed worrying that you were out of control and that I couldn't live with another alcoholic. I missed watching you get your shit together because you wanted to, not because I nagged you to do it. 

"I missed how you knew my body better than anyone else. I missed how you weren't afraid to tell me you wanted me. I missed how you looked at me when you were on top of me. I missed seeing your face filtered through my hair when I was on top of you. I missed falling asleep next to you. I missed that you'll never really need me again.

"I missed how you said my name. I missed only hearing the word _bobcat_ when I was watching a Discovery documentary. I missed being able to cry in front of someone besides Mac. I missed weekend movie marathons on the couch that led to way better make-out binges. I missed how you called me out on my shit. I missed being able to see you get your wings. I missed knowing I was the only woman who got to see you naked. 

"I missed wondering who you were celebrating your birthdays with. I missed wondering who you were buying a Christmas present for. I missed wondering if you were thinking about me on my birthday. I missed how you charmed everyone, even my dog. I missed how confident you were, how confident you were in me. I miss how you never doubted your love for me.

"Yeah, I sure as hell missed you, Logan Echolls. Every goddamn day."

Logan pulls up to the booth and slips his arm away from Veronica's touch as he hands the cashier his ticket and his credit card. Logan swallows and keeps his eyes on the cashier unsure of his reaction if he turns to look at Veronica. They are both quiet waiting to complete the ordinary transaction that interrupts Veronica's extraordinary openness. 

"Christ, Veronica," Logan begins after he takes his receipt and credit card and pulls into traffic. "That right there. That is why you're the most important thing in my life."

"No, I'm not. Not anymore. You've got your career and your navy buddies and probably lots of friends from Hearst you haven't even told me about yet. But maybe I'm back in the top 10 and maybe I'll do a few things here and there to work my way up the list. I hope I can do a better job of it this time around. I'm shooting for top five in record time." 

"The fact that you don't know how important you are to me, have always been to me is devastating. If I have to tell you every hour of every day for the rest of our lives, I'm going to make you understand how special you are to me."

"I'll put a reminder in your phone so you don't forget," Veronica says as she closes her eyes and leans her head back. 

"I know you've got a lot to do and I know you're tired, but we need to make some plans. I need to see you more, Veronica. I'm already sick of spending this much time missing you." 

"What about Tuesday?"

"I have to work," he says. 

"I could visit you. Drive down to see you."

"Seriously? Fuck, yeah. I never thought you'd suggest it. How long can you stay?"

"Couple of nights."

"That's all?"

"Mateo's finally playing a stretch in San Jose next weekend. He's got an afternoon game on Sunday and then he's off on Monday. After Sunday's game, he invited his teammates over to the house. His Stanford friends should be around, too. I'm looking forward to having a house full of those guys again. Beer and baseball. All night."

"How many guys are we talking about?" 

"Lots, I hope." 

"Maybe I should be there." 

"I've been doing this on my own for a long time now. Pretty sure I can handle it. Anyway, how do you think I'm going to charm the coaches if you're cockblocking all my advances?"

"Thought it was all raw talent with him."

"That and my wily charms," she says raising her eyebrows at him. 

"I thought I was the one who's charming."

"Oh, you are. I learned from the best," Veronica says smiling. 

"What about Dutch? She going to be here?"

"Don't think so. Last I heard it was just teammates, past and present."

"OK. I'll take the 2 days you've got available."

"On Monday, I'll probably drive Mateo back to Visalia or Lemoore or wherever he's hanging his cup these days. Maybe I could swing by after and we could get something to eat. Go out to dinner."

"No."

"Oh, OK," Veronica says and looks down. 

"I don't want it just to be dinner. Stay with me. Stay as long as you can."

"At some point, real life is going to have to make an appearance." Veronica reminds and looks back at him. "Are there rules about me visiting?"

"I can text you what you need to know."

"Maybe we could just meet at a Starbucks off base or in town or whatever you call it when you finish work."

"Sure, if you feel better doing it that way. It's OK, Veronica," Logan says, "that you're not comfortable with my life in the navy. I know it's not part of your world. You don't have to embrace it right away. You can take your time figuring it out."

"Thanks. I'm going to make an effort."

"Are you really going to do this? You're really coming to stay with me?"

"I think so. We're ready for this, aren't we?"

"I am so fucking ready for you to be near me."

"Then it's settled. You'll drop me off in Palo Alto and then I'll see you Tuesday night," Veronica leers at him and raises an eyebrow before she turns her head smiling. 

"I'm not dropping you off."

"Oh, did you want to come in? I'm not sure I'm prepared for guests," Veronica says in her most demure and mocking voice. 

"The very least you could do is offer me a glass of water before I hit the road."

"So, you're looking for a little hospitality from me before the long drive home, are you?"

"You did say you needed to repay me for picking you up." 

Veronica taps her index finger on her lips before speaking. "Making cookies would take too long. I don't have any beer in the house. I could always call for delivery. Or sex. Pizza or sex. You choose." 

"Not even a close second." 

"Pizza it is," Veronica says as she leans over and places her hand on his leg.

"How was your trip, by the way?" Logan asks as he rests his hand on hers. 

"Just what I needed. Just like you're what I want now that I'm back."

Logan looks at Veronica. "You seem a clearer, lighter."

"Mac does wonders for me. And Vee does too. It's a good thing I don't live in London. Hugh would be so sick of me. I'd be over there every day trying to steal that little girl's heart."

"I don't remember you liking kids so much." 

"Says the guy who has a shirt stained with cotton candy handprints. I'm not sure I really do like kids, but I'm smitten with Mac's daughter. That's for sure."

"How'd you get so good with her?"

"She's easy. It seems to me that having children is a real crapshoot. There are so many things that can go wrong. But if you're lucky and you get a good roll, those kinds of kids just want to be loved. Mac's been lucky so far. Vee's a sweet baby. She loves to be loved." 

"Don't we all."

"I suppose." 

Logan twists his fingers through hers and squeezes her hand. "You're going to have to tell me where you live, you know. I'm going to need a little more information than just Palo Alto." 

"Oh, right. You've never been to Mateo's house, have you?"

"You've lived there long enough for it to be your house. Technically, in the eyes of the state, you're probably common-law married to Mateo at this point." 

Veronica looks at Logan horrified. "Don't even joke about that." 

"Sorry," Logan says laughing.

Veronica points at the intersections for him to turn and soon they are in front of a small Craftsman-style home. "I know it doesn't look like much," she says as Logan pulls into the side drive, "but one similar down the street just sold for four million dollars. That's why it's Mateo's house. Never in my dreams could I afford this house without Mateo allowing me to live here. Of course, neither could he if his parents hadn't planned so well."

"Pretty soon you'll be a high-powered attorney and you'll be bathing in money." 

"The thought is repulsive. Maybe it wasn't food poisoning I had but the fact that I have so little interest in being a lawyer. I literally made myself sick." 

"If you don't want to be a lawyer, what're you going to do?"

"I've got some ideas." 

"You always do." 

As Veronica walks to the door, she digs in her purse for her keys. Logan follows carrying her luggage. The neighbor boy has left her mail in the small antique milk box sitting next to the front door. She unlocks the door and leaves it open for Logan to enter, stopping to punch the code into the alarm panel. 

Logan leaves the duffel by the couch and looks around the living room. It's a typical suburban living space with wood floors, gray walls, comfortable furniture, big screen TV, and lots of family photos on the walls, shelves, and mantel. What strikes him is the lack of any blond hair in the pictures.

"Welcome to Casa Khan," Veronica says. "Make yourself at home. Mateo's casa es mi casa y su casa." 

"His hair is long in all of these pictures." 

"Yeah, he always had it like that until he left for the minors. Thought short hair would age him. Make people take him more seriously. I nearly cried when he cut off all that gorgeous hair. All that thick, wavy hair buzzed off and left on the barbershop floor. Heartbreaking."

"You're not in any of these."

"Nope. Just family photos in here. There're some cute ones of Mateo and his mom on the bookshelf. She was beautiful, wasn't she?" Veronica makes her way into the kitchen area and throws away the dead flowers in the center of the table. "Should have tossed these before I left. Yuck." 

"It's a nice home."

"Thanks. I can't take much credit for it. Sai bought it years ago. After the divorce. He updated it, but Mat hasn't made many changes since Sai died. I do what I can to help him keep it up." Veronica drains the flower vase into the sink and leaves it on the counter for cleaning. "There's a bathroom down the hall and 2 upstairs along with the bedrooms." 

"Good to know."

"You should feel privileged to be here."

"I always feel privileged to be with you."

"That's not what I mean. I don't allow just anyone in this house. I don't want to disrespect Mateo or Sai by having men over in their home." Veronica swallows. "This is a big deal for me to let you in."

Logan walks into the other side of the open room and stops as she meets up with him. "I want you to let me in, Veronica. Let me be part of your life. All of it." 

Veronica's eyes twinkle as she grins at him. "Seems to me there was a reason I let you in. Oh yeah, repayment. How was it I was going to repay you?" she asks as she takes his hand and leads him up the stairs. 

**********

Logan sits at the kitchen table in his boxers and one of Mateo's one-size-too-small Oakland A's t-shirts, wiping his hands on a take-out napkin. Water droplets run down the side of his glass staining the Stanford leather coaster. An open, empty pizza box sits in the middle of the table. Veronica lounges in the chair next to him in an orange San Francisco Giants sleeveless tank and black running shorts. Her legs entwine with his. 

"Remind me to pick you up at the airport more often. Repayment was totally worth the 3-hour drive," Logan says as he taps his toe on her ankle.

"They do make a good spinach and mushroom pie, don't they?" The words feel heavy in her mouth, and the jet lag makes her head fuzzy. The food did nothing to make her feel less tired. Nor did the sex. Or the shared shower.

"I'm not talking about the delivery. I can get pizza in Lemoore." 

"Pretty sure you can get one of those," Veronica says as she tilts her head in the direction of her bedroom, "in Lemoore, too. Perhaps you're frequenting the wrong bars if you don't know that." 

Logan throws his crumpled napkin onto his plate and smirks. "You need to learn to take a compliment."

"Not sure that's what I want noted as my good deed of the day," Veronica retorts and smiles back at him. She stacks their plates and utensils and moves them closer to the pizza box. She hesitates and hates the nervous feeling that arrives in her stomach. "I want to tell you something. About something I did in London. Someone I met. Ian. I met Ian."

"Fuck. Why don't I like the sound of this already?"

"It's not bad, really."

"Then why the hesitation?"

"Well. OK. So Friday night, I went out with one of Hugh's oldest friends. Ian, like I said. It was a long night. I drank too much, but we hit if off. Like really hit it off."

Logan tenses and crosses his arms. "OK."

"And he's a, well, he calls himself a consultant. And we said we'd keep in touch and we'd see if we can make something work and I've never given up my PI license and I know it seems a little crazy, but I'd like to try it. See if it can work. Give it a try. I'm afraid if I don't, I'll be so bored. And he wants to come visit me. What do you think?"

"I have no idea what you just said to me. Was there one coherent idea in that rambling?"

Veronica tries to relax and moves her gaze from the table to Logan. "So, what do you think if I don't take a job as a lawyer? Is it too crazy to think about going back to investigating? Does it seem impetuous to think he and I could work together somehow? I know it probably does, but he says he has cases where he could use a contact in the States."

"You're trying to tell me that you want to be a PI again?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not sure why that was so hard to say. Still not sure who this guy is. Why does he want to visit you? He's a detective in London?"

"I think he wants to know if I've still got what it takes to turn a case." 

"Right. And he's interested in you?"

"Mac told him about my experience and then we hit it off and it seems like maybe we could make a good team. Somehow. I'm not sure how. But maybe somehow."

"But he's, like, interested, and by that, I mean interested in you?"

"He's interested in my investigating skills and my award-winning personality, but no other kinds of talents. He'd be more interested in you for other talents. In fact, I think he might be very interested in you. Or Mateo, now that I think about it. Too bad, you're both taken." 

"And both straight," Logan says happy to hear Veronica acknowledge his status as taken.

"Sure, sure. That too. So, what do you think?"

"It doesn't thrill me to think about what kinds of situations you might get into, but I'm not going to stop you from trying something you want to do. Are you sure you don't want to be a lawyer? Seems a little more, uh, conventional. A little more Palo Alto."

"Boring. Exactly. That's what repulses me about it. Corporate law reeks of pantyhose." 

"What do you think your dad will say?"

"I don't even want to think about it. These next conversations with Keith and Mateo about you and giving investigating a try again should be, uh, interesting."

"At least, you don't have to tell Mateo about us since he already knows and doesn't seem to care." Logan looks at Veronica as she looks back down at the table. "Veronica?"

"Well, I haven't exactly told him that we're, like, kind of involved."

"We were all together in Visalia."

"Right. But since then I guess I've avoided mentioning you to him."

"He doesn't know about Carmel?"

"Not exactly. I think I might have said that we had dinner together after you met some friends for golf. Or something like that." 

"No wonder Katie was so weird when I asked about Mateo. Why haven't you told him?" 

"We didn't know what we were doing, so I didn't see the point in telling him about something that might be going nowhere."

"And after Carmel, you still thought it was going nowhere? 'Cause that's not what I thought was happening." 

"You couldn't have been completely sure."

"I'm sure, Veronica. I don't know how to say it more plainly." 

"Right. Got it," Veronica acknowledges. "And what do you really think about me being a PI again?"

"I think you might as well try it. You won't know unless you try it again. Maybe you'll hate it. But it's also not my decision. I appreciate you keeping me in the loop, but it's your decision to make."

"Thanks for not shooting this idea down right away. I know I'll have to get another job because it'll take awhile to get going again. But Ian and I are going to talk more, and I'll let you know what we decide. What I decide."

"Speaking of meeting someone while you were away. I saw Dick while you were in London," Logan says tentatively.

Logan hears a noise from Veronica that he hasn't heard before. He isn't sure if it is a word or something more primitive. "You tell him we bumped into each other?"

"We've done more than bump into each other, but, yeah, I mentioned you." 

"I'm sure he sends his love," Veronica sneers. 

"Have you ever thought that maybe he'd like to try to make amends for all the high school bullshit?"

"That would be a rock solid thanks-but-no-I'm-good-over-here." 

"He's got regrets and he needs to get over them. Preferably while he still has a functioning liver and pancreas."

"Is he a non-negotiable? Because I'd like to put his presence in your life up for debate." 

"I know you think he's just a fuck-up," Logan starts before he is interrupted.

"He's more than a fuck-up. He can fuck up his own life all he wants. I don't care about that. It's the fact that he fucked up my life that I don't appreciate."

"How did he mess up your life any more than the rest of us jackasses did?" 

Veronica curls her lips between her teeth and looks down. "I'm not having this conversation."

"But I know he's sorry about so much. He's still trying to make up for all the wrongs of his brother and father. You forgave me. You can forgive him."

"Not the same. You actually apologized. More than once. And meant it. Oh, and there was that whole being in love with you and that agonizing fucking chemistry. If I have to fall in love with Dick in order to forgive him, we're going to be waiting longer than eternity." 

Logan is stunned by Veronica's acknowledgment that she loved him. It was always so hard for her to declare her feelings towards him. It was one of the things that drove him crazy trying to prove himself to her. "He made mistakes. Lots of mistakes. He knows that."

"Well, if the goal was to get me out of your life, he helped accomplish that quite well."

"That wasn't the goal. Never was that the goal. Look, I know he hurt you, but he's been there for me without fail. More than once. He was there when you left. And when you weren't there." 

"Guilt. Nicely done. You've now completed the prerequisite for Parenting 101. Let me check the closet and see if there's a certificate of completion tucked away."

"I'm not going to toss Dick aside, Veronica. I can't do that to him." Logan takes a sip of his water and the ice cubes clink on the bottom when he places it back on the coaster. 

"Let's be clear. I'm not taking a trip down memory lane with you to Neptune. I'm not spending weekends, holidays, or vacations with Dick Casablancas. I'm not interested in hearing about his life or his achievements. You want him in your life? Fine. But he can stay the fuck out of my life."

"When we were in Carmel, didn't we say we'd help each other forgive? Get the toxic shit out of our lives?"

"And how's that going on your end? Called your ex-wife yet to go out for lunch? Don't guilt me into being BFFs with Dick when you aren't doing any better on your end of the deal."

"Veronica, stop." Logan takes Veronica's shaking hand in his and squeezes. "We're not going to do this. We're not going to let our anger at other people come between us. I'm not going to push you to make up with Dick, but I'm sure it would be good for both of you to eventually figure out a truce. You don't have to do anything more now. Just know that the option is there if or when you decide you want to do something about it."

Veronica sighs and takes back her hand from Logan's grip. She runs her hands over her eyes and rests her fingers on her temples massaging the headache that is beginning. She takes a deep breath before saying, "I'm sorry. You're right. I'm not mad at you. I shouldn't take it out on you."

"How about we change the subject? I talked to Katie the other day." Logan hopes changing the subject to Mateo will ease them back to a good place.

"Don't you usually? You do work together," Veronica realizes she is still being short with Logan and she tries to make her breathing and attitude return to normal. "Sorry. That sounded bitchy. Let me try it again. Oh, yeah? And how's Katie?"

"I hadn't talked to her much lately. Been keeping to herself, I guess. And I hate to pry. Did you know things are pretty serious between Mateo and her?" 

"Of course. I believe I mentioned that to you. Weeks ago. In Carmel. Do you listen to anything I tell you about Mateo?" Veronica asks exasperated by the question.

"Honestly, I'm not sure I always do. I'll try to do a better job of that," Logan concedes trying to calm Veronica. "But I mean, they're really serious." 

"I know." 

"How much do you know?"

"Trust me. More than you would ever want to know. Interested in their current debate about birth control? Because I'm pretty sure Mat has created a spreadsheet of the effectiveness of every birth control known to man." Veronica turns and sees Logan shake his head. "Yeah, didn't think so. Trust me, Mat doesn't keep much from me."

"She said he's talking about having kids."

"Nothing new. He's always wanted to be a dad. You hear women say they knew from a young age they wanted to be a mom. I don't think it's not necessarily different for men. Mateo's always talked about being a dad."

"But they've known each other a month." 

"Is that judgment I hear in your voice?"

"I don't mean it to be."

"Mat told me he knew she was different the first time they kissed. Like that kiss changed his life. It may not have been love at first sight, but, for him, it was practically love at first kiss."

"Sounds familiar. I recall having the same reaction to our first kiss."

"Yeah, it wasn't too bad, was it?" Veronica softens at the picture in her head.

"Memorable. Unforgettable. Staggering. If I lose my mind some day, I don't think that one moment will ever disappear."

"It's a sure sign we're getting old if we're already starting to reminisce about the good ole days." Veronica finishes her water before she continues. "But you have to remember I don't get Katie's side of the story. She may not feel the same way. I get the feeling she's more tentative than Mateo. She needs to be. He's all in. Already. Too fast, in my opinion. But he has to make his own decisions. And mistakes."

"She seemed pretty proud that he might play ball in Arizona."

"It's an honor he's being talked about like that. Mateo gets something in his head, and that's all there is to it. He wanted a baseball scholarship. He got 4. He wanted to be in the top 10% of his class at Stanford. He was top 1%. He wanted to try the minors. He's being considered for Fall Ball after only his second year. He's intense. He's dedicated. Not everyone can appreciate it. We'll see if Katie can or if she burns out on his, uh, passion."

"You ever want to try to get him be a little less, uh, passionate?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's not my job to turn him into someone I want him to be. It's my job to make sure he's a decent human being and then to love him the way he is. Nothing more." 

"Not sure that was always your philosophy."

"I think you know I've had to develop those behaviors. They don't come naturally. Maybe if I can do it with him, I can do it with others," she concedes and rests her tired head on her arms on the table. "I'm trying, Logan. That's all I can do. I'm trying to do better and to be better."

"Think he'll make it to the majors?" Logan asks as he runs his hand over Veronica's back.

"I don't know. I'm not sure that's ever really been his goal. He didn't talk about that much. Right now, playing baseball is still something he loves to do. That's why he does it. I'm not sure he sees baseball as his most stable career option."

Veronica closes her eyes as she feels Logan's touch and wishes they could be in bed rather than at the kitchen table. "I was jealous while you were away," Logan confesses as he runs his hand up her back and through her wet hair. 

"Jealous? Why? I'd be honest with you and tell you if I'd slept with someone else."

"You could barely tell me you want to be a PI again. I can't imagine how ridiculous you'd sound if you had to confess sleeping with someone else."

"I guess I'll have to make sure I don't have to admit that." 

"But that wasn't the reason I was jealous. I saw some videos, and you looked so happy."

"You'll have to show me where I can find these videos. Have I become an internet star?" Veronica lifts her head from the table and folds over the top of the pizza box so it takes less room on the table and wonders if she could crawl on the table and take a quick nap. "I was happy. It's been a long time since I felt that at ease."

"I want to make you happy. Make you laugh. Make you smile like that." 

"Unfortunately, you don't get to see me on vacation. You're stuck with real-life Veronica whose world is full of stress and commitments and history." 

"Then let's go on vacation. Get away for awhile."

"I just got back from vacation."

"Come on, Veronica. Think about it, at least. Let's take a week or two. Warm, cold, sunny, rainy. Close. Far. You name it. Let's just go. I've got time I can take and you don't have a job. It's the perfect time to go. Come on. Let me make you happy." 

"You can't make someone happy, Logan."

"Well, then I want to create the world around you that makes you happy." 

"You're sweet. Such a good friend."

Logan grimaces. "Please. Can you stop calling me your friend? It's like you're constantly reminding me that you don't want me to be your boyfriend." 

"I didn't say that, did I? I don't remember saying that. I definitely didn't say that. You're putting words on me. Don't pick a fight about something I didn't actually say."

"I'm not trying to piss you off."

"Anyway, there's nothing better than being someone's friend." 

"How about being someone's superest, bestest friend?"

Veronica smiles. "Yeah, that's even better. You want to be my superest, bestest friend?" 

"I think Mac holds that distinction."

"She's my superest, bestest girlfriend." 

"How about just boyfriend?"

"Hmm, you want me to stay at your place. You want to take me on vacation. You pick me up at the airport and tell me you missed me. Yeah, you're starting to sound a lot like a boyfriend." 

"Just so I know when I replay this in my head for the next 24 hours, you're actually saying yes to boyfriend and you're actually saying yes to exclusive. You and me. Only. Monogamous." 

"We should probably stop messing around and commit. What's the worst that could happen?" Veronica looks at Logan and they both smile. "Don't answer that." 

"There's a lot of good that could happen."

"Of course, but it's not the good times that make a relationship hard. What are we going to do when this doesn't work?"

"Why do you have to assume it won't?"

"Because that's reality. It won't always work. So how are we going to make our way through it when it doesn't?"

"I wish I knew the secret to making our relationship easy. I know I want it to work with you. I've always known that."

"But wanting something and making it happen are different things." 

"True. So, keep talking to each other. Don't just leave. Be honest. What else?"

"Don't freak out when one of us needs some space," Veronica suggests. 

"Don't assume and think the worst right away."

"Is that one directed only to me because I think that one seems a little pointed?" 

"Maybe just a little," Logan says smiling. "Tell me when you're pissed and when I've messed up. Just don't tell me you're fine." 

"When we say we're sorry, we have to really mean it and really accept it." Veronica stands up to remove the dishes from the table, but Logan puts his arm around her, pulls her close, and she lands on his lap. 

"We can't plan everything out. We can talk about this for days, but we'll just have to deal with the problems as they come. But we have to make a commitment that we're really going to try to make this work, problems and all." 

"Right. I agree. So we're going to do this?" Veronica holds out her hand for Logan to shake. He takes hers in his, shakes, and then brings it to his lips for a kiss.

"Definitely, and we're going to try to do it right this time," he says as he guides her face closer to his and kisses her lips before making his way to her neck. 

"Don't you have to leave soon?"

"Yeah, but I believe you bought the pizza, so I think I now owe you."

"How are we going to keep track of who's in need of repayment?"

"Let's assume I always owe you," he says as he moves his lips to the other side of her neck and Veronica caresses her hands through his hair. 

"You're not going to be offended if I fall asleep, are you? 'Cause I am so fucking tired."

"Unless you're too tired to fuck, then, yes, I'm going to be offended, but I take it as a challenge. I'll guarantee you won't fall asleep."

"You better not just be teasing me. Don't start something you can't finish."

"I promise you, Veronica. We'll never be finished."

**********

It's his least favorite way to have fantastic sex with Veronica because, he knows, he's a narcissistic asshole. He gets off on watching her face, knowing the pleasure she wears is because he brings it to her. The combination of her gorgeous face with his ability to reshape it through orgasm makes him cockier than anyone should be allowed. But when he watched her bound up the steps, her hips swaying and her eyes giving her away as she turned her head to note how close he was, it was like he was seeing her again as a teenager. He would have taken her on the stairs if she hadn't squealed and slipped out of his grip. By the time they were both in her bedroom, he could only think about one thing - how much he wanted her. His girlfriend. Immediately.

There are two reasons he usually has sex like that. One, it's a great way to stay disconnected from someone he hopes won't text the next day. Two, the lust is so powerful he can only think about fucking, fucking hard. And right then, all he had wanted to do was fuck his girlfriend. It isn't that she minds. Quite the opposite. She seems to enjoy it as much or more than any other time. She doesn't question his intentions or ask him to stop; instead, she begs him to keep going. And he did. He kept going. And he didn't regret not being able to see her face because he felt and heard how much she wanted him, too. But now he's leaning back on the headboard of her too-small-queen-sized bed listening to her sleep. Remembering how much this moment of bliss, of quiet, of contentment, of fulfillment, of high, of love is better than any sex they will ever have. 

His thoughts are swirling in his head. That's the way it is with good sex. It either leads to complete exhaustion or a high that rivals his best, or worst some might say, drug binges. As he looks at Veronica's bare back, he knows this is exactly where his life was supposed to lead. All the mistakes, all the fights, all the accomplishments led to this moment. He is meant to be in bed with the woman he loves while looking forward to getting back in his plane. But lying next to her makes him remember the same thought he's had since Carmel, the one he mentioned to Dick in passing. 

It is now time for him to admit, at least to himself, that he was at fault in some ways for the train wreck that was his marriage. When it was happening, he made sure to tell everyone it was her transgressions that broke them. She cheated. She was the money-hungry bitch who screwed his friend. He'd been loyal, he bragged to anyone who would listen. He'd always been the good and faithful partner. But if he was still in love with Veronica when he married someone else, that was his responsibility, not his ex-wife's fault. He wasn't all-in with her, so there was no way the relationship could succeed. He doesn't want to give only part of himself to Veronica. He won't do that again. It wouldn't be fair to him or to the woman he really, truly loves. 

The logistics of their relationship will be tough. He remembers his naïveté of young love with Veronica when he thought things, everything, would work out as long as they loved each other. All problems would magically disappear with little effort by either person. Logan's smarter, more realistic now. They will have to try hard to succeed. One thing he knows for sure is that this domestic arrangement won't work when baseball season is finished. He won't allow limits on how they interact with each other based on someone else being in the house with them. He's always loved the foreignness, the exoticness, the anti-southern California-ness of San Francisco, so he'll have to find a way to convince Veronica to spend weekends with him camped at the Fairmont or the Inn at the Presidio. Or he'll rent an apartment or buy a condo. He'll figure it out so he can be with her the way they deserve to be with each other. Because this love, this relationship, he knows, is worth getting right. 

_Someone else in the house._ That's about as polite as Logan can be. He's not convinced he actually likes this "kid" who is always on Veronica's tongue and under her thumbs. He has to learn to accept him, interact with him, but they have a strange dance of two alpha males circling one alpha female. It won't work with Veronica if he doesn't figure out how to like, actually like, this guy, this kid. But Mateo's unforgivable fault, he thinks, is that he takes Veronica for granted, he's sure of that. And if he's learned one thing in the last ten years, it's that no one, absolutely no one, should take Veronica's love for granted. 

He's put up with a lot of assholes in his life, so he's sure he can figure out a solution to his disinterest in Mateo. He can fake admiration until he learns to appreciate, but he knows he has to get Veronica away from this house and her suburban life with Mateo. Maybe he can convince her to spend weekends in Lemoore. He'll buy her a new car, so he'll feel better about her driving to visit him. Of course, she'll never allow him to buy her a car, but he could trade in the BMW, tell her he could get 2 cheaper cars for what they'd give him for his Beemer. He's sick of that car anyway. He's ready for something a little less shiny. A little less ostentatious. A little less douchebro. A little more Veronica. 

Logan looks around Veronica's bedroom, a guest bedroom. It's tastefully decorated with antique furniture but without clutter, and he wonders how much of the decor is her taste. Only her dresser top and bedside tables display photos. The stand closest to him holds a picture of Mateo in his Stanford baseball uniform, his arm slung around Veronica's shoulders. She's wearing Stanford eye black, pigtails under a Cardinal cap, an oversized Stanford t-shirt, black leggings, and light blue Chuck Taylor sneakers, the only aspect of the outfit that doesn't scream Stanford fan. They're standing in front of a trophy with NCAA as the only words Logan can make out. Veronica looks proud, as proud as he's ever seen her. And Mateo is smiling, an honest, joyful grin, under his long hair corralled by his baseball cap. It's a good look on him. 

The other frame on the bedside table holds an image of Mac looking older and happier than he remembers her. She's holding an infant wearing a long-sleeve Stanford onesie and Stanford baby booties. The clear frame slips out of his hand and onto the bed. When he picks it up, he notices writing on the back of the photo. _Summer of LoVe._ He taps the frame in the air until the photo inches out of the frame and a second picture comes with it. Behind the picture of Mac and her baby are the faces of him and Veronica just before freshman year at Hearst. They're standing on the beach, and, holy fuck, do they look young. As he looks closer, he notices it's not their faces. It's his face and torso but only the side of her head as she must have turned to laugh at whatever witty thing he said to her. He doesn't know if he should be flattered he's still on her bedside table or upset that he's been replaced by Mac and her baby. He wonders if Veronica eases the picture out when she can't sleep and if she's been doing that all these years. How long has it been since he's displayed a picture of Veronica? 

When he feels Veronica's feet jerk, he replaces the frame hoping she won't catch him taking apart her photo display. But she doesn't wake up as he thinks she will. Instead she shakes and whimpers. Her whole body tremors, and as much as he loves to hear her moan in bed, he hates this sound, this horrible dying-animal noise. _Shit, is she still having these fucking nightmares?_ He lies down next to her and wraps his body around her. She's like a junkie detoxing from heroin, and he's depressed that he's so familiar with that symptom.

"Veronica," he says softly in her ear. 

"Where were you?"

"I'm here, babe," he says even though they never call each other that. "It's OK." 

"Couldn't you hear me?" she asks, and he knows that she's still asleep, still dreaming or hallucinating or whatever the fuck her subconscious does to her. 

"It's OK, Veronica. I'm here," he says as he holds her tighter. She probably won't wake up, won't remember this conversation. Even though it's been so many years since they've experienced this together, he remembers the routine. He's never known if it's his physical touch, his words, or just time that eventually slows her movements and returns her breathing to normal. She won't talk about it when she wakes up, and he hasn't figured out if it's because she doesn't remember, doesn't want to discuss it, or is too embarrassed to admit there may be a hint of weakness in her. He can feel her calm. Her body relaxes and silences. He loosens his hold on her, and she rolls onto her stomach, one hand finding its way between the mattress and the box spring and the other hand fitting under the pillow. 

As if leaving isn't going to be hard enough, now there's the guilt of knowing she still has nightmares and she's been dealing with them alone for too long. Fuck. What would he be willing to give up to be able to stay in bed with her tonight? Would he give up flying? He wants to say he would, but he knows he didn't take Monday off even though he has plenty of time saved up. He's 100% sure he still loves her, has always loved her, but he loves to fly, and he doesn't want to acknowledge how many of his decisions are based on that dedication. He doesn't want to concede that the rush of flight rivals the high of Veronica for his affections. 

He waits another five minutes sure that Veronica is calm again before he steps out of bed and finds his discarded clothes, the clothes he arrived in, not Mateo's shirt, in a pile on the floor. His watch, his phone, his keys, his shoes. He tries to remember if there's something else he needs. He walks around the bed to where Veronica is sleeping and sits down on the edge. He strokes her hair and reaches down to kiss her forehead. "Veronica," he says and thinks about how impossible it was to wake her in Carmel, but he doesn't want to sneak out without speaking to her. He wouldn't forgive himself for doing that. "Bobcat."

Veronica opens her eyes and looks up at what is apparently a man she has never seen before. But she isn't afraid. She just closes her eyes again.

"Veronica." 

"Logan?" she asks opening her eyes again and looking around her familiar room. 

"I'm going to take off," he says and runs his hand up and down her back. 

"What day is it?"

"Sunday. Sunday night," he says with a laugh. "Same as when we entered this room." 

"You're leaving?" she asks. He wants to tell her no. He isn't leaving her tonight. He won't leave her after their weekends and vacations together. He won't leave her when he's deployed. He won't leave her ever again. But he can't do that. Their relationship is partially based on accepting that they will leave each other and having faith in their abilities to find their way back. 

"I'll see you in two days," he reassures not acknowledging that he is, indeed, leaving again. "And I'll call you tomorrow night." 

"Right. Tomorrow night. I'll see you tomorrow night."

"I'll call you tomorrow night. Then you'll drive down and see me on Tuesday."

"Of course. That's what I meant," she says but he thinks she still sounds unsure of their plans, perhaps even unsure that he's actually Logan or that this is a real-life conversation. 

"It's only two days. We'll see each other in two days," he reiterates as he bends down to kiss her one exposed cheek. 

"No," Veronica says as she tilts her head up, turns her body, and stretches up to him. "That's not a proper good-bye kiss." She lifts her hands to his face and kisses him on the lips with the same passion she had when she was his girlfriend so many years ago. 

"Damn, Mars, I'm never going to leave if you keep this up." 

"That's my intention."

"I'm sorry I've got to go."

"Of course. Big American hero. Saving the world once test flight at a time." 

"Well, you never let me save you, so I might as well try to save the world."

"Hold on," Veronica says as she looks around the room. "Where're my clothes?"

Logan stands and walks to the end of the bed, bends down, and tosses the clothes to her. "Looking for these? Just where you left them."

"You mean just where you peeled them off me."

"I say tomato." 

"You say naked."

"Yeah, naked Veronica is a hell of a lot better than a tomato."

Throwing her clothes on quickly, Veronica bunches her hair into a ponytail, but she can't find an elastic band to hold it together. Shrugging, she lets her hair fall back down her shoulders. "I'll walk you out."

"You should stay in bed. You're exhausted."

"If I go to sleep now, I'll be up at 3:00. It's not pretty when I can't sleep at 3:00 in the morning."

"Everything about you is pretty," he says as they make their way down the stairs. 

"Am I being a clingy girlfriend if I ask you to text me when you get home?"

"I'll be OK, Veronica. It's not late. You just think it feels late. But I'll text you," Logan agrees as he opens the front door and gives her one last kiss. 

"Be safe, Echolls. I can't lose you again now that you've finally come back to me." 

"Always, Veronica. Always."

**********

To: Police.Chief.Keith.Mars@aol.com  
From: VMars1@stanford.edu  
Re: Update

Hi Dad, 

I know you said you were planning to go camping for a couple of weeks. I left you some messages on your phone, and since I haven't heard back from you, I'm assuming you're vacationing with the family. I thought an email might be a better way to communicate if you aren't getting a good cell signal in the wilderness. (Do they have wilderness in Nebraska?) Have a s'more for me! And don't get eaten by a bear! (Do they have bears in Nebraska?)

If you got my messages, you'll know I took the bar exam. It was draining, but I think I did OK. I'll know soon if I am one of the new lawyers in the great state of California. I'll send you a text if I find out I passed. If I didn't pass, I'll be hiding under my covers for a week not checking my phone. 

Mateo is doing well in Visalia. The coaches have even mentioned he might be chosen to play in Arizona this fall. That would be amazing and an honor. He has a girlfriend, and he seems to be serious about her. What isn't he serious about, right? If you have any interest, you can find his games online. He's starting most games and hitting well. 

I went to see Mac in London for a few days. She seems so content. Her baby is smart and funny and beautiful. (Do you remember she named her Vivianna? She calls her Vee or sometimes VeeVee.) She's still married to Hugh and they have a cute house with a small garden. She loves her job, but I couldn't possibly explain what she does. She told me, but it made no sense. It's easiest just to say she works with computers. 

Mac introduced me to someone in London, and he made me want to go back to private investigating work. I think it would be helpful to have my law degree and still use my PI license. What do you think? Do you think I should? Any advice? 

Maybe the most important thing that's happened in the last month, is that I ran into Logan Echolls. He's a naval aviator. Maybe you know that since Cliff is still his lawyer. We've been talking and decided we want to try to see if a relationship might work this time. I know you've had doubts about him and about some of the other men in my life, but I'm hoping you will accept our attempts at another chance. It seems like he's changed in some ways. Maybe in the important ways. I hope I have too. 

I know things have been strained between us, Dad, but I hope we can work on that going forward. It's important to me that we go back to loving each other. Maybe we can't love each other the way we used to, but it would be nice if we could find some common ground and appreciate our past. You raised a strong, independent, loyal, caring woman. You can't be mad at me for making strong, independent decisions about the people I most want to care about and be loyal to. 

I hope to hear from you soon.

Love from your favorite daughter,  
Veronica

**********

_Good game tonight, Mat._

_Thanks. Home safe?_

_Yep. And I listened to most of the game. I nodded off a few times. Sorry about that. Fucking jetlag._

_You mean you don't think every baseball game is the most interesting thing you've ever experienced?_

_Usually that's the case when you're playing._

_Catch the part where the pitcher threw the wild pitch and I still got the fucker out trying to steal home?_

_I did. Good job._

_Slow motherfucker. Still don't know how I did that._

_Raw talent._

_Or a good bounce off the plate._

_Have time for me if I drive to Modesto for tomorrow night's game?_

_Dinner after?_

_Would love it._

_That SI reporter's supposed to be at the game. Don't know how to handle her._

_Did you decide if you want to talk to her/him?_

_Her._

_Did you?_

_Seems like it might not be so bad. If I can keep my personal shit personal. Think that's possible?_

_Maybe. You'll have to set boundaries right from the start._

_Want me to tell her you'll be there if she wants to talk to you?_

_No._

_Not at all?_

_No._

_OK._

_My relationship with you isn't anyone else's business._

_I know. You like to keep things locked down. No problem. Good trip?_

_Very. It'll be nice to talk to you about it in person._

_Bring me a cricket bat?_

_Of course. And wicket-keeping gloves._

_Sweet._

_Only the best for you._

_I'm glad you're home. I missed you._

_I missed you too, Mat. I don't know if I've told you this enough, but I'm proud of you. Proud of who you're becoming. Proud that you made the decision to do something you love. Proud that you have the ability to love people so deeply. Proud that you've let me be part of your life all these years. You make me so proud._

_What the fuck. Are you dying? Cos I will fucking kill you if you die on me._

_Nope, not dying. Just needed to tell you that. I missed you. I'll see you tomorrow._

_Love you._

_Love you, too, kid._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for allowing me to indulge my craving to write more about Logan, Veronica, Mateo, and Katie. I appreciate all the comments and kudos left in the previous stories.


End file.
